Archives for posts with tag: office humor

Lunch-meeting salad,

You will never be wanted,

Yet always be there.



Screen Shot 2013-03-18 at 5.14.43 PMSitting in an all-day meeting the other day, my mind wandering off in search of any form of amusement, I think I devised the perfect plan for disruption. A prank for the modern office. It’s potentially diabolical in its conceit, but ultimately harmless in its execution. And it’s practically guaranteed to work, since most of these meetings seem to be taken very seriously.

First, get a recording of that sound it makes when someone dials in to a conference call; it’s kinda like ‘boop beep.’ Then, play it randomly during your next telecon. 

It’s that simple.

“Hi everyone. Thank you all for coming, I think we can go ahead and get started.”

 <boop, beep>

 “Did someone just join us? Hello? Is someone there? Hello? Did someone just join?”

 “Sorry guys, anyway, as I was saying…Welcome…”

 <boop beep>

 “Hi. Is someone joining us?”

 “Guys, do we know if we are expecting anyone else??”

<boop beep>

 “Is someone there? Hello? I think your line is on mute. Unmute your line. Are you there?” 

 <boop beep>

“Is that Mike? Was Mike going to call in?  Helloooooo. Did someone just join?”

<boop beep>

Not sure how many times it would take to reach a full-on meltdown. But I’m pretty sure it would be the best meeting I ever attended.  

Well, he’s not wrong. Click here or on pic to enlarge. 

How deficient do you have to be as a human adult to go into the refrigerator at work and take something out of it that you know you didn’t put in it? I’m not talking about people that are starving, or about things that are known community property, I’m talking about remorseless thievery committed by ridiculous people. You’d think it would be an exceedingly rare incident in a professional environment, yet it happens. Over and over. At every office I’ve ever worked in.

And this photo hardly captures how gross this crime usually gets. At least it’s a canned soda. Most times it’s someone’s lunch, that’s already been eaten out of at least once. Brought from home in old Tupperware that’s been forever stained orange from that time they microwaved spaghetti sauce in it (why won’t that ever come clean?!). I don’t even like eating my own leftovers half the time. But out there is a whole race of thoughtless sub-humans that look at that and say, “I must have it. Even if it could mean my job.”

If you’re one of them, get help. Or go away. Forever. You’re sick.