14 ways parenthood is a lot like working at an ad agency

– You will be asked to play make-believe all the time. They will never completely share their vision for the game, never explain the imaginary rules you’re expected to follow, and always tell you you’re doing it wrong when you finally just start inventing things on your own that you think are pretty clever.

– What was loved yesterday is irrelevant. Today it’s disgusting. And stupid. Can’t you just bring them something else?

– They don’t want to hear that something is bad for them or doesn’t make sense. They want it anyway. If it turns out that you’re right, and that thing ends up causing any distress, well…what were you thinking? Why didn’t you warn them better?

– There is no concept of the future. There is only now. You may believe you’ve satisfied them when you say “Two days from now.” You may even get them to nod and walk away. But they will be back in 5 minutes; “NOW can I have it?!?”

– You will sleep when you can. Do not try to predict if it will be a late night or an early start. They’ll let you know. Don’t make any plans.

– You’re going to get crapped on. It’s probably not personal, they don’t know any better.

– Yes, you can eat lunch. But do it quickly. After everyone else has been served. Take your pick of whatever is left over.

– Once in a while you might get to go out to lunch. They’ll pick the restaurant. The whole experience will be uncomfortable. You’ll be picking up the check.

– Technical issues during a time of stress are a given, and will not be tolerated as an excuse. The power went out? The batteries died? The application just shut down for no reason? Fix it. Fix it. Fix it. They need to see that thing they asked to see immediately!!

– You’re going to hear a lot of jokes that really aren’t very funny. You’ll laugh anyway, because it makes them happy.

– There will come a day when you finally decide it’s time for you to say no. They will go around you to someone with more authority.

– Whatever they just saw on TV will be infinitely cooler than anything they currently have. How come you never bring them anything like that??

– They’re going to demand that you do pretty much everything for them, including a lot of things that you’re pretty sure they could do for themselves if they’d just try. But then one day they won’t ask for your help at all. Secretly, this will make you sad. 

– When you finally get everything perfect, and things are running like clockwork, and everyone’s happy, you will be informed that you’re getting a new assignment…………

The Madsiers agency is pleased to announce we’ll be adding a new client to our roster. Work is tentatively scheduled to begin 2/28/16.